Kiss Kiss Smooch
by Admiral T. DeVanto
Summary: "Why is it that the couple always kiss in the middle of a battle?" A deceptively simple question is asked. But with Tao, nothing is simple. No pairings.
1. Chapter 1

"Why is it that the couple always kisses in the middle of a battle?"

M21 glanced at Tao curiously, frowning. "What do you mean?"

Tao gestured to the TV. "I mean, look! A big battle is going on, and they're in a life or death situation, yet they take the time to kiss! Doesn't that seem useless?"

M21 was silent, glancing back at the movie. Just as Tao had said, the main characters were not only locked in battle, but also in locking lips. M21 shrugged. "Maybe they feel as if they are going to die, and they want to express their affections before they lose the only chance they've got."

Takeo scoffed. "If that were the case, then they will certainly be dead in a real life situation. If you have time to kiss, you have time to shoot."

"Exactly!" Tao exclaimed. "You don't see us locking lips with anyone when we are close to dying!"

M21 grimaced. "That, and who wants to kiss someone when they're a bloody, sweaty mess?" That...was not appealing at all. What woman wanted to kiss a shirtless guy in the heat of battle?

"It seems pointless to go around giving someone a smoochy-smooch when you're about to die!" Tao continued.

"If you are about to risk your life on a pointless activity such as kissing," Frankenstein commented, startling everyone. "Then it better be more than a 'smoochy-smooch', as Tao put it. Best to be a hot kiss if it's to be your last."

M21 swallowed fearfully. The fact that Frankenstein was even participating in a pointless conversation caused him to grow wary. Even Raizel was glancing at the blonde human oddly.

"But if any of you decided to do something as foolish as that," Frankenstein continued. "I will feed you to Dark Spear myself."

Smirking, Tao leaned forward. "And what if it was Sir Raizel who decided to...do a little pucker up?"

Silence. And M21 was wondering if Tao had lost all sense of his intelligence.

Raizel's look of pure confusion vanished, his pale cheeks turning red. "I would not…" he mumbled into his teacup.

"I would tell you to form a protective circle around him," Frankenstein interjected simply.

Raizel choked.

Tao hummed. "You don't have to worry about us, Boss. I mean, M21 and Takeo wouldn't be brave enough to kiss anyone anyway. Especially during battle."

At that moment, Takeo and M21 focused their glares on Tao. "And what does that mean?" Takeo demanded, indignant.

Tao shrugged, appearing disinterested. But M21 knew what he was doing. The hacker was baiting them, trying to lure them into a deceptively innocent discussion that would make his victims look like fools.

"You guys just don't have any experience, that's all," Tao stated with a careless sigh.

And M21 fell for it. "Says who?" he sputtered.

Tao smirked, his dark eyes turning to glance at the werewolf. "Oh? You've had experience? What was it like?"

M21 sputtered. "I...well…"

"I bet it was like this!" Tao declared, turning around so that his back was to them. Wrapping his arms around himself, he moved about. M21 could detect the sound of kissing noises coming from the hacker, as if a make-out section was taking place.

M21 turned red. "No! I...I never said that I-"

"You're right," Tao concluded suddenly. "It was probably like this." With that, he turned around and pursed his lips, closing his eyes. The impression he was giving off was that of a pucker-fish.

M21 growled, tossing a pillow at the hacker. Takeo chuckled, only to freeze as Tao glanced at him. The sniper was still, as if any sudden movement would make him fall victim to Tao's words. But Tao just hummed, focusing on the movie instead.

M21 frowned. "What? Takeo gets a free pass?"

Tao shrugged. "Eh. Takeo's as bad as you. So why beat a dead horse?"

"And how would you know, Tao?" Takeo retorted. "I don't remember including you in on my love life."

"Because you don't have one," Tao stated.

"And you do?"

Tao hesitated. "Well, no," he admitted.

"Isn't that odd?" Frankenstein said suddenly.

All eyes turned to look at him, but Frankenstein merely shrugged. "Granted, your time as Union agents did not give you the opportunity to open yourself up to anyone romantically. But, you have been with us for a few months. Surely you have seen someone that interests you?"

Uncertain glances were traded between the trio.

"Have you all been oblivious to the amount of female attention you have been given?" Frankenstein demanded, genuinely shocked. "Are you blind? Surely you cannot be so oblivious!"

"Frankenstein, you're one to talk," Raizel stated. At Frankenstein's befuddled expression, the Noblesse just sighed.

Tao blinked. "Wait, what does that mean?" But Raizel just shook his head, and they all could have sworn that they heard him mutter something distinctly familiar to 'hopeless.'

Frankenstein cleared his throat. "Anyway. You boys have the opportunity to live a normal life. Romance is one of the experiences life has to offer."

M21 shifted uncomfortably. "How...how do you know...if you picked the right person?"

"Well, you will certainly know her for more then a week," Frankenstein stated. "Unlike these deceptively simple movies the industry is spitting out. Plus, if the Master and I do not approve, then she is not the one."

Takeo coughed. "Good to know."

M21 frowned thoughtfully. "How can you tell if someone is interested in you? Does that mean you have to be interested in them to spare their feelings?"

Takeo thought about it before shaking his head. "That would be deceptive, and that's the last thing I want in a relationship."

"Maybe it has something to do with our appearance," Tao piped up. "Maybe we don't stand out enough."

M21 cocked his head. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, maybe we aren't appealing to girls at all. Don't you notice how their faces turn red and they stammer whenever we talk to them?" Tao pointed at M21. "Even M makes Yuna nervous!"

M21 blinked. "I…I do?"

"Duh!" Tao exclaimed. "Every girl we come into contact with stares at us, their eyes wide and all that. They can't keep a conversation, and they scurry away rather quickly like we are the plague."

Takeo's eyes widened. "You're right! Do we come across as offensive?"

As the chatting continued, the movie all but forgotten, Raizel sighed. "Hopeless," he murmured.

Frankenstein smiled into his teacup. "You're one to talk."


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay, so I figured it out."

Both Takeo and M21 glanced up at Tao as he strode forward, waving pieces of paper in the air. The hacker seemed extremely satisfied with himself, his smile wide as he spryly hopped into the chair next to them.

M21 frowned. "Figured out what?"

"Our girl problem!" Tao exclaimed.

Takeo groaned. "Tao, not this," he pleaded.

"I'm serious!" Tao proclaimed. "We need to act a certain way if we ever want girls to look in our direction, and not in the negative, red faced stuttering speechless way. We come across as intimidating, but I found a way to fix that!" He earnestly thumbed through the pages. "You know, that movie and conversation with Boss got me thinking, and I realized that it is a bit odd that we haven't really experienced romance."

Takeo raised an eyebrow. "How?" M21 leaned forward in his seat, curious as well, though every bit of his survival instincts was shouting at him to run before he got mixed up in anymore problems. But if Tao ever brought up his lack of experience with kissing, then he was out.

Tao paused, a thoughtful look on his face. "Well, you know, we never had much of a chance to form any lasting relationships with anyone when we were in the Union." He glanced at M21. "I don't know about you M, but...the DA5 were pretty strict and wouldn't encourage romantic entanglements."

Takeo hesitated. "Yeah," he confessed. "To be honest, I didn't really think much about it. It was always surviving the next fight, or completing the next mission. I never really gave much thought into...dating. I didn't have time."

"Plus, what girls were there to socialize with other than the mad doctor?" Tao pointed out. His dark eyes were alight in jest as he teasingly poked Takeo.

M21 stayed silent, contemplating. Just like them, he didn't have the chance to experience 'girl problems.' When Shinwoo had asked the question about his love life, M21 had froze up. The realization that he did not know anything about such insignificant troubles had bothered him until he realized that, yes, he was free to have an opportunity to fall in love and see what 'girl problems' really were. The idea that he was now in a life where he could experience something so normal and precious was daunting, but at the same time, exhilarating.

Tao grinned. "I have been spending the past two days gathering data, and I have come up with a solution." He displayed the papers to them eagerly. "Based on my findings, we can have a successful love life if we follow the proper steps. You see," he continued animatedly. "It's all about the pattern, and every single love story has a pattern to follow." He cleared his throat, reading a paper out loud. "If you can have your first passionate kiss in the rain, then you're on the right track. Oh! And be sure to use the classic line 'you complete me.' That always goes over well, especially when you are crying and showing your weak, vulnerable side."

M21 blinked while Takeo looked at the copy of his own paper with confusion.

"And here's a question for you," Tao continued. "You and your will-be-girlfriend get into the classic argument that causes her to breakdown and start crying. What do you do?"

"Solve your own problems," M21 stated in response. "I've got my own issues to deal with." He yelped when Tao shot at him with a rubber band. Where had he gotten those?

"And that is why you will be single forever," Tao stated. "You have to be sensitive! Girls like sensitive guys. But don't be overly sensitive so that you are a weepy, wailing mess. They'll think you are a pansy."

"Is that why you have us confiding our deepest darkest fears and then showing the slightest hint of a tear in front of our soon-to-be-girlfriend?" Takeo asked.

M21 flipped through his paper with confusion. "Where is that? I don't see that anywhere!"

"Rule NO.15," Takeo commented easily.

Tao coughed, catching their attentions once again. "Alright! The next thing you do is have a passionate one-night stand."

"What!?" M21 exclaimed. Takeo choked in horror, his face heating up.

"But that means…" Takeo started.

"We know what a one-night stand is," M21 hissed, embarrassed. Suddenly, his mind was filled with images that he did not want to see, and his cheeks turned pink.

Tao nodded. "I know, I know. But the facts don't lie! If you have a one-night stand with a girl, then your relationship will be awkward as you try to convince yourselves that it was 'just one night.' But in reality, it was so much more! You will then form a fragile relationship with your girl, get into an argument when you give her your shoulder to cry on, kiss passionately in the rain, convince her that she is 'the only one meant for you' then you get married in five years." Tao smiled, looking rather pleased with himself.

"...five years?" Takeo exclaimed.

Tao shrugged. "That's what it says." He rubbed the back of his neck worriedly. "Honestly, I am a little uncomfortable about some of these rules, but if it works, it works."

"I can tell you put this together in just two days," Takeo muttered.

Tao pouted. "Hey! The facts don't lie!"

M21's frown deepened, a pit of dread forming in his stomach. "And where did you get your facts?"

"From the romantic movies that everyone has been gushing about."

M21 tossed his paper over his shoulder while Takeo sighed. "Tao," Takeo started. "Look, you don't just base your facts off of Hollywood movies!"

"But look at how their relationships ended!"

"Yeah, their fictional ones," M21 retorted.

Tao pouted. "C'mon! Give it a chance."

"Give a girl a chance at one night?" M21 retorted. "That requires a bit...a bit too much...intimacy!" he blurted out, face red. "The only person who has seen me in nothing but my underwear is you guys and Frankenstein!"

"And what does that say about your love life?"

"It says a lot since you guys are the same way! I am not having a one-night stand with anyone!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, the room became significantly darker. Not in lighting, as the area in the room was still illuminated. It was the aura and energy itself that seemed to decrease and take all the warmth away. All three modified humans slowly turned against their better judgment, and faced their terrifying boss.

Frankenstein said nothing. In fact, he did nothing. It was the lack of expression and action that made M21 plea for a swift judgment, or possibly Raizel's protective presence. Instead, his pleas went unanswered as Frankenstein picked up the slip of paper that M21 had carelessly tossed aside. His blue eyes scanned the paper, his frown deepening with every line. Finally, he fixed them all with a stern glare.

"You boys, with me, in the kitchen. Now," he ordered. "I will teach you the proper ways of romance."


	3. Chapter 3

"This," Frankenstein stated, waving the papers that Tao had printed in the air, "is not how you go about dealing with romance." With a quick burst of his powers, the papers were incinerated. He regarded them with a stern gaze. "I will give you some pointers."

"And how much romantic experience have you had, Boss?" Tao piped up, genuinely interested.

"That is irrelevant," Frankenstein said with a dismissive wave. Folding his arms behind his back, he straightened up. "Now, in my day, I proper gentleman would try to win the affections of a woman with the art of poetry." He fixed them all with a look. "I do realize that none of you have experience with poetry, so I will give you a few days to come up with your own version of flattery."

Surprised glances were traded between the three modified humans. "Poetry?" Takeo sputtered.

"Um, don't you think your advice is a bit out of date?" M21 started. He didn't see any of the kids spouting out poetry, unless the statements 'baby did you just fart? Because you blow me away' counted.

Frankenstein leaned forward calmly, his icy blue-eyed gaze landing on each and every one of them. M21 couldn't help it: he squirmed. He felt like he was being scrutinized for a test he was unprepared for, and a test he felt like he was failing.

"You three have remarkable characteristics," Frankenstein started.

Uh oh. He was starting with the compliments. That was never a good sign. There was bound to be a 'but' coming up.

"But," Frankenstein continued.

There it was.

"You are all clueless in this department. It is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, recognizing your ignorance is the first step to achieving success! It is like science! You observe, you analyze, you conduct experiments, and you perform."

M21 now had an uncomfortable feeling growing in the pit of his stomach as the suspicion that Frankenstein was getting a bit too passionate with this festered in his mind. If Frankenstein was this passionate about the idea of romance, then maybe M21 was better of being single.

"But like all ignorant youths," Frankenstein declared. "You will need someone to lead you in the right direction. Love is a tricky thing, so as we go through with this, handle the experiment of romance carefully."

And here M21 thought he would never be used as a test subject ever again.

Tao cleared his throat. "So…" he drawled. "About the poetry?"

"And our lack of experience with poetry," Takeo cut in.

"Or the fact that it seems outdated," M21 pointed out.

"If it helps," Frankenstein continued with a wry grin. "Then listen to some romantic music to inspire you." When he smiled, they shivered. "There. That's your homework. Good luck."

* * *

Takeo tapped his foot idly, his lips pursed in concentration. Dropping his pencil down, he glared at the blank piece of paper before him.

"Hm," he hummed. "Roses are red...love is...your eyes...my eyes?" He narrowed his gaze. No matter how hard he tried, he was unable to come up with any lyrical poems. And it was the last day!

It was with a heavy sigh that he strode out of his room. The intent of finding help was cut short as he saw M21 stride down the halls. The werewolf glanced down at the blank notepad in Takeo's hand, his mouth turning upward in slight amusement. He looked up with understanding in his eyes. "You too?"

Takeo nodded, a sense of relief filling him with the realization that he was not the only one struggling in this department. "I was thinking all three of us could brainstorm and compare notes. Poetry is beyond me."

M21 grunted, rolling his eyes. "It's eluding me. I had to learn all about stanzas and lining! Stuff I didn't even need to know about." He glanced up and down the halls, as if checking for any unwanted listeners, before leaning in, his tone lowered to a hushed whisper. "But, I did look on the internet for help."

Takeo raised an eyebrow. "Really? What did you find?" And why hadn't he thought of that to begin with?

M21 glanced down at his notepad sheepishly. "I was up most of the night working on it, and it's not much," he mumbled. Looking away with an embarrassed huff, he passed the notepad to Takeo. Taking the offered pad wordlessly, Takeo grinned with humor as his eyes scanned the page.

 _I anticipate your presence every morning,_

 _I wrap myself in your warmth,_

 _Your strong, unforgettable scent,_

 _Your aroma, your taste,_

 _Strengthens me throughout the day._

Takeo's eyes widened as he stared at the simple lines. He could see the faint marks where M21 had erased and rewritten most of his writing, but from what he could make out, it seemed decent. "M," he started, genuinely surprised. "This is actually really good." He looked up with admiration. "How did you do it?"

M21 shrugged as he took his notepad back. "I was thinking of a cup of coffee," he muttered.

Oh.

But...maybe Takeo should use a source of inspiration. Like hs guns. Now he could feel the inspiration piling up, and he just might have something to present to the Boss!

"Maybe Tao has something he could help us with," Takeo suggested. "I can hear him playing his music downstairs, and Frankenstein did say that music is inspirational. With how loud he is being, Tao is bound to have some notes."

M21 nodded in agreement as he followed Takeo down the stairs and into the kitchen. However, both stumbled to a halt as they witnessed the unusual sight of their companion hopping around the kitchen. Takeo tracked Tao's movements, his eyes slightly widening as Tao swayed his hips, jumping around and kicking his legs out in a choreographic manner.

 _"We've got something special! We've got something special! And when she's looking at me she wants to get all sentimental!"_ Tao strutted about, moving his shoulders in a hip-hop way as he sang. Suddenly aware that he had a dumbfounded audience, he beamed. "Hey, M! Takeo! Wh'as up?"

Takeo was about to step back, only to bump into an immobile M21. "Tao!" the werewolf exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

Tao shrugged. "Duh. I'm singing!" He spun around. "For inspiration!" He turned up the volume, the female singer's voice now filling the entire space.

 _"I can hardly breathe,_

 _Something's tellin' me tellin' me,_

 _Maybe he could be the one."_

Tao energetically clapped to the beat _. "We could be the one, we could be the ooonnee!"_ he sang. Grabbing Takeo and M21's hands, he dragged his victims into the kitchen.

"Tao, wait-" Takeo started.

"C'mon guys!" Tao exclaimed. "Get into it!"

"But you're not singing it right!" M21 protested.

Tao shrugged. "So?" He bumped hips with M21 teasingly. "The song seems to fit us. See? We could be the one for a girl that's out there waiting for us!" Then, he started to sing right back up again. _"We could be the one, we could be the one, we could be the ooonnee!"_ Spinning around once more, he grinned. "See? Inspiration! Feel the romance! Oh yes, we will become the object of a girl's infatuation soon, just you wait!"

* * *

Raizel grimaced, placing his teacup down as the singing continued. He glanced at Frankenstein, who frozen in his seat. However, his eye twitched with every high pitch note coming from the kitchen.

"I thought you were teaching them romance," Raizel stated.

Frankenstein cleared his throat. "I was. I gave them pointers."

Raizel pointed in the direction of the kitchen. "That does not sound like romance."

* * *

 **A/N: The song that Tao 'modified' is "He Could Be the One" by Hannah Montana. I actually saw an interesting Noblesse AMV with this song. It's called "Noblesse He Could Be The One" by Lieutenant Myst.**


	4. Chapter 4

Frankenstein folded his arms, regarding them all with a critical eye. "Now," he started. "What do you have to share about your poetry?" He resisted the urge to grin, knowing full well that the three modified humans before him were woefully unprepared to present him with anything short of a decent poem. But, he was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Tao nudged Takeo, eyeing him pointedly. The sniper in return cast Tao a glare. With narrowed eyes, the two men glowered at each other as they subtly nudged at one another. M21 presented the look of indifference, instead finding the table to be extremely interesting other than his silently bickering companions or his persistent boss.

Frankenstein let them squirm for ten more seconds before loudly sighing. "Takeo," he started, causing the man in question to blink. "Why don't you start?" He leaned back casually with the grace of a relaxed predator staring down at its captured prey. He smiled, nodding encouragingly while somehow transmitting a chilling aura.

Takeo straightened up, swallowing nervously. His eyes flickered downward as he let out a deep, calming breath. His eyes were closed as he composed himself. Finally, his bright gaze was open, transfixed.

"Roses are red," he started. "Violets are blue."

Frankenstein inwardly nodded. He was familiar with the start of this cliche poem, but he had hopes that Takeo would pull something decent off. He wasn't exactly expecting them to succeed immediately and become the next Robert Frost or Edgar Allen Poe in one night. Hm, maybe he should have made that clear beforehand and spare them the nervousness.

"Skirts are...up," Takeo continued, stumbling over his lines. His eyes narrowed in confusion as he stared down, cheeks turning red. M21 and Tao shot their companion perplexed looks, and Frankenstein raised an eyebrow. "Panties are…" Takeo coughed, glancing up. "I'm done," he announced.

Tao blinked. "What…" he drew out slowly. "The...heck?"

M21 gaped.

Frankenstein sighed. "Phones on the table."

With a sheepish look, Takeo dropped his phone in the center of the table. Immediately, it dawned on Tao and M21 just where Takeo had picked up his specific word choice of a poem. "Why didn't I think of that?" Tao complained as he set his phone down. He glared at Takeo. "What? You went from calling girls glamorous and sexy to commenting about their underwear? Is your Korean that bad?"

"Shut up," Takeo grumbled.

"I expected you to compose your own poem, not copy it off of the internet," Frankenstein said, his tone colored with exasperation as he resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose to ward off a headache. Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply, wondering if this was a bad idea. Bachelorhood was good, right?

Against his better judgment, Frankenstein pointed at M21. "What have you composed?" At least he had them put their phones away. The risk of stumbling across something inappropriate was now minimal.

M21 straightened up, clearing his throat. "You light up my world like nobody else," he said softly. "The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed."

Frankenstein felt a glimmer of hope. He dared not let it show on his face, least he break the tentative spell M21 was weaving.

"But when you smile at the ground," M21 continued, his eyes fluttering closed. "It ain't hard to tell, that you don't know you're beautiful."

Now Frankenstein was gaping in awe. A flood of pride surged through him as he listened to the poetic art that M21 was spinning.

"If only you saw what I could see, you'd understand why I want you so desperately." Now M21 was keeping pace, words spilling out. "Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe that you don't know you're beautiful." M21 finished with a relieved sigh, collapsing into the chair, as if winded from the small words of romance that would surely stir a woman's heart.

Yes, there was hope.

Frankenstein snapped his fingers. "Tao, Takeo," he said sharply. "I hope you learned something. And I thought I told you no phones."

"Ah huh," Tao piped up as he scrolled through his phone. Takeo was hovering over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed. "Just a sec Boss."

Frankenstein narrowed his eyes before turning to address M21. "Excellent work, M21. I must say that I was not expecting that. I am impressed." His eyes flickered over to where Tao and Takeo were ignoring him as they began reading whatever was on Tao's phone. "As of now, you are free from household chores for a week in regards to your commendable work." He could feel the sharp gazes of Tao and Takeo as they snapped their heads up to look at him, but he ignored them.

"Hey, Boss," Tao started.

"Hm?" Frankenstein asked, disinterested.

"Can M21 repeat his poem for us? You know, just for inspiration?"

Frankenstein turned a suspicious eye onto the suddenly innocent gaze of Tao. He knew there had to be an ulterior motive, but he could not figure out how Tao could turn this situation around in his favor. So, with a shrug, he said, "If M21 is willing."

M21 shifted in his seat. "Uh, sure." He sighed. "You light up my world like nobody else. The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed. But when you smile at the ground, it ain't hard to tell-"

"YOU DON'T KNOW OH OH!" Takeo and Tao exclaimed, springing from their seats. "YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!"

Frankenstein reared back as music blared through Tao's phone. He watched in astonishment as Takeo and Tao hooked arms and proceeded to dance around. "THAT'S WHAT MAKE YOU BEAUTIFUL!"

 _"So c'c'mon!"_ Takeo teased as he nudged a mortified M21. _"You've got it wrong."_

Frankenstein did not know what was going on. He could only stare, flabbergasted, as Takeo and Tao proceeded to sing while M21 tried to melt in his chair as the music that sang his poem was still blaring through the phone.

Wait.

Frankenstein narrowed his eyes as he made the immediate connection between the song, Tao's suspicious behavior with the phone, and M21's poem.

M21 had cheated.

And Takeo and Tao were reveling it.

Frankenstein bowed his head, rubbing his forehead tiredly as the music continued. "Hopeless," he muttered. "Hopeless."

Frankenstein felt someone gently pat his shoulder, offering a small bit of comfort. In response, Frankenstein leaned into the touch, seeking strength in his moment of helplessness.

"They'll get there," Raizel murmured encouragingly, still patting Frankenstein. "You can do it."

"Oh, I'll do it alright," Frankenstein said with a low growl. Raising his head, he stared the modified humans down. He waited until Tao wisely shut the music off, all three of them springing up to stand in a straight line.

As if that would delay their inevitable lesson of romance.

"You will all read romantic literature." He smirked at their startled exclamations as protests arose. But Frankenstein held up a dismissive hand. "Starting with _Pride and Prejudice._ " He raised an eyebrow at their horrified expressions. "I'm assuming you are familiar with one of my favorite" he emphasized 'favorite' "literary novels?"

Takeo swallowed nervously as he and M21 traded looks with Tao. Nothing was said in the room as the three men soaked in the information of their fate. Finally, Tao straightened up, folding his left arm behind his back as he bowed to his companions. Then, in a coy, thick British accent, he asked, "Do you dance, Mr. Takeo, Mr. M?"

Takeo rolled his eyes while M21 smirked. "Not if I can help it," the werewolf replied back snarkily.

* * *

 **A/N: The song M21 cheated off of is called "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Did you miss me?" Tao whispered, his voice soft. "Come and kiss me, never mind my bruises."

Takeo choked.

"Hug me, kiss me, suck my juices," Tao continued gallantly. "Eat me, drink me, love me! Make much of me!"

M21 sputtered, covering his mouth with his hands as he resisted the urge to laugh. His eyes flickered over to an unamused Frankenstein. M21 could only imagine at the headache Frankenstein was experiencing as Tao continued to recite the entire _Goblin Market_ poem.

"Tao," Frankenstein sighed, cutting the poetic hacker off. "I asked you a simple question: What did you learn from reading that poem?"

Tao brightened up. "That it supports incestuous homosexual canabalism!"

 _WHACK!_

"Ow! You asked for an answer Boss! Parts of the poem even made me blush! Where did you find this sort of poetry?"

"A college textbook," Frankenstein answered calmly, rolling up the newspaper he had used to smack Tao with.

Tao blinked, rubbing his sore head. "What are they teaching kids these days?"

"And do we have to go to college?" M21 asked, gulping his orange juice down.

Takeo's eyes widened "M!" he declared, pointing sharply. "I have a crow to pluck with you!"

M21 looked startled. "With me?"

Takeo nodded. Holding up his glass, he spoke, "My thirst is not yet quenched, I yearn for the sweet nectar of the orange juice that thou hast finished."

M21 bowed. "O innocent Takeo, how my heart breaks at your peril. Mayhaps I can replace your juice with a spot of coffee instead?"

From the kitchen table, Raizel watched everything with confusion.

"Why does Takeo want to pluck a crow?" Raizel asked.

Frankenstein sighed. "It means he's upset with M21. Apparently, he got that phrase from _The Dead_."

Raizel nodded thoughtfully, though he saw no clear connection between a poor crow being plucked and Takeo being upset at M21 for finishing the last of the orange juice. "And Tao?"

"He's discovered college literature."

"How is this to help them with romance?"

"Eloquent words spoken to a lady is sure to sweep her off her feet." Frankenstein muttered. "Though, I am not sure a woman would entertain the thought of drinking any nectar off of Tao's body."

Raizel's eyes widened. He continued to watch with further trepidation as Takeo and M21 continued on with their undecipherable wording.

Takeo sighed. "You are too generous to trifle with me. Wait but a moment, and if your kindness shall remain the same as they were five minutes ago, than grant me thine coffee."

Now it was Tao's turn to chuckle at the literate banter joust between Takeo and M21.

"Why wait?" M21 continued. "I shall treat you as thou deservest to be treated."

"Tft, how suspicious that you shouldst feel this much good will towards me," Takeo scoffed.

M21 raised an eyebrow, his lip twitching in amusement. "Why does thou doubt me?"

"We all know you to be a proud, unpleasant sort of man," Takeo stated. His shoulders shook with contained laughter. "And...we...I can't!" With that, Takeo fell to his knees, laughing.

"I win!" M21 declared triumphantly.

"What about Takeo's coffee?" Tao teased.

M21 shrugged. "The winner does not serve the loser."

Takeo bemoaned. "Oh how my heart yearns for the sweet nectar that is the strongest taste of coffee. To have it denied of me, yes, my heart does burn." He turned his head away dramatically, sprawled on the floor like a tragic Shakespeare character. "As God is my witness, I shall never go thirsty again!"

M21 kneeled down next to Takeo's fallen body. "Come, come, my dear Takeo. Let us not weep in this moment of loss. Instead, let us embrace it!" His voice lowered. "Embrace me."

"Nay M!" Takeo declared. "I shan't taint you with this loss! You are too pure."

"Don't leave me out of this!" Tao exclaimed, throwing himself into the mix. "My soul yearns for you all!"

"Enough!" Frankenstein bellowed. "Get up from my _clean_ floor." He narrowed his eyes. "When I had suggested that you read literature, I did not mean for you to quote every single book you came across."

Takeo cleared his throat. "I thought we were trying to sound a bit more...dignified."

"If you ever speak to a girl about 'the nectar of your juices' I will increase your physical training on my island."

Three audible gulps were heard.

"Now," Frankenstein declared. "The meaning behind the literary poems was to increase your knowledge about romance. What did you learn from Mr. Darcy?"

"That he's a self centered jerk?" Tao offered.

WHACK

"Ow!" Tao yelped. "Okay, fine! I learned that no matter how stuck up and pompous you are, a woman will still marry you-yip! I'm trying Boss!"

"Takeo," Frankenstein started, turning his attention onto the poor sniper. "What did you learn from Romeo?"

Takeo fidgeted. "Um, that true love can conquer anything, even family rifts?"

Frankenstein nodded, satisfied for the moment. Until Takeo continued speaking.

"So if I fall in love with a Union agent," Takeo mused. "Will that be okay?" He fell quiet at Frankenstein's frown.

"M21." Frankenstein turned his gaze on the unfortunate werewolf. "What did you learn from Rhett Butler?"

"To not marry a woman who is in love with her married cousin." M21 shrugged. "It's true!"

"They were not cousins," Frankenstein sighed. "Did you even read _Gone with the Wind_?"

M21 fidgeted. "I skimmed it."

With a frown, Frankenstein folded his arms. "Let's try something a bit differently. What would you boys have done if you were in the same situation?"

Tao perked up. "Oh! Well, if I were Mr. Darcy, I would swallow my pride and admit that I was wrong…"

Frankenstein nodded. So far, so good.

"...and proceed to kiss that woman in the rain after my failed proposal. Maybe she'll get pneumonia before the wedding."

The paper in Frankenstein's hands crumbled.

"If I was Romeo," Takeo offered. "I would have to establish the communication issues between me and Juliet." He frowned. "But, if I were to act like Romeo, I guess it would be alright for me to sneak around behind my family's back and marry an underaged girl. I'm sure there weren't any predatory laws in act during Romeo's time, so I could get away with seeing a fourteen year-old. But nowadays, I'm not so sure I would get away with it, so I'm not certain how Romeo's situation would apply to me." He glared at Frankenstein. "Frankly, I am shocked that you would suggest that I go off and begin a relationship with a fourteen year-old. Are you trying to get me arrested?"

M21 snorted. "Well, I would have run for the hills if I was married to a woman like Scarlet. I would have been," he fluttered his fingers, "gone with the wind."

Frankenstein dropped his notepad and pencils. His eyes narrowed, blue gaze flashing. "I can see that literature is getting us nowhere." He smiled. "How about we start with some religious romance texts instead?"

* * *

 **A/N: My literary inspiration-**

 **Goblin Market by Christina Rossetti.**

 **The Dead by James Joyce.**

 **Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.**

 **Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.**

 **….yeah, I have no idea why I am reading this stuff.**


	6. Chapter 6

"Um, Boss?"

Frankenstein sighed, dreading whatever it was that Takeo had to ask him. He was not even surprised to find that he was hoping that Takeo had something to report about the Union, or even a request for a medical checkup. Anything but the assignments he had given them about romance. At least M21, who was reading in the kitchen, had the decency to keep his questions to himself.

Turning with a forced smile, he replied, "Yes?"

Takeo would not meet his gaze. "So, um, you know how you told us to research different religious and historical texts about romance?"

So it was about the assignments and not about the Union's attempt at world domination or a life threatening attempt of Dark Spear taking over their bodies. "I remember telling you to look up different information from various sources, yes."

"Yeah, so," Takeo blushed. "I decided to look into the Hindu stuff."

"Oh?"

"And I selected the Vedic text."

Frankenstein blinked. "Oh." He tried to recall what he had read about the Verdic text. Surprisingly, he came up with nothing. He had regularly retained information regarding languages, science, and anything else that would aid him in serving his Master and household. Religious text about romance was a non essential bit of information that his brain discarded.

"Yeah, so I think I got the wrong book." Takeo let out a nervous cough, his gaze bouncing anywhere but where Frankenstein was.

"Well, I think it's good that you are considering different texts. I mean, we are branching into different cultures and religions."

"But my eyes were burning!" Frankenstein did not think it was possible for Takeo's face to turn any redder. Thrusting the book at Frankenstein with all the force of a man holding something of infinite contamination, Takeo closed his eyes. "There were things that I didn't know about! Words that I didn't understand but still made me feel...gyah! And the images!"

Frankenstein's confusion nearly overrode his senses, so much so that he did not feel his Master come up behind him to see what Takeo was holding. Raizel looked over. "What is this?"

Frankenstein moved so quickly that he vanished from sight for a few moments. The book was snatched from Takeo's hand and held behind Frankenstein's back. "It is nothing of importance, Master."

Raizel merely held out his hand, and in a flurry of red sparks, the book vanished from Frankenstein's grasp and appeared in Raizel's. Flipping through the pages, the Noblesse's eyes widened at the explicit images his gaze was assaulted with, and he quickly snapped the book close. "This is religion? What type of religion is this?"

M21 quickly sat on his book. No need for the Noblesse to see what he was reading.

Frankenstein snatched the book back, much to the surprise of Takeo. He had never seen Frankenstein forcefully take anything away from Raizel! Deciding that it would be best to stay quiet, he merely watched the exchange. He wouldn't be surprised if Frankenstein decided to burn the book.

The Noblesse raised an eyebrow. "A lot has happened since my 820 years of slumber."

"Try not to think about it too much, Master," Frankenstein said.

"I don't have to think, Frankenstein. I saw the vulgar images. How is that related to romance?"

"Well...religious couples tend to be happier couples, so I assumed that a little bit of religious reading would help them in this process."

"Since when?"

Takeo wondered if it would be a wise idea to risk detection and remove himself from the scene, or stay rooted where he was and remain where the storm was brewing.

"Were there any other religious texts?" Raizel inquired.

Frankenstein hesitated. "Well, I heard that Tao was reading the Bible."

Raizel considered that for a moment before nodding in approval. "Oh, that is a good book. It should be safe. What about M21?"

M21 looked like a deer caught in the headlights as he was called to attention. At the inquisitive stares of all three men in the room, he glanced away and mumbled. "I was looking into Judaism."

Raizel cocked his head. "Wasn't that the Kabbalah?"

"Yeah."

"And is that book safe?"

Frankenstein's 'yes' was quickly drowned out by M21's 'no.'

Raizel's eyes narrowed as he slowly turned to look at his bonded. "And did you read this one too, Frankenstein?"

Frankensten shrugged, seemingly unperturbed. "Parts of it."

Raizel frowned before striding over to M21. "Let me see it."

M21's face flushed red and he stuttered, struggling with an explanation that would hopefully force the Noblesse to move along and forget about his reading material. But when the Noblesse continued to stare down at the cornered werewolf, M21 was forced to sit up to remove the book he was sitting on and place it on the table.

The air rushed past Takeo as Frankenstein moved once again with such speed that he was a blur. M21 squaked in surprise as Frankenstein loomed behind M21, draping his arms over the seated werewolf and placing his now dark claws over the book. Flipping the book over ever so slightly to the middle of the passage, Frankenstein's eyes widened while M21 slumped into his seat.

Frankenstein slammed the book closed. "What version is this?"

M21 blinked. "You told me to get it from the library!"

"But what version?"

"The...the Jewish version?" With Frankenstein's arms on either side of him, M21 was now trapped, unless he wanted to slide out of his seat and scramble under the table. Which is what he just might do.

Frankenstein's hands flamed with a purple aura, burning the book to cinders right before M21's eyes.

M21 stared at the pile of ash. "That was on loan."

Frankenstein wiped his hands as he stepped back, satisfied. "I did them a service." With that, he strode from the room. Raizel stared after his bonded before sighing and following him.

All but forgotten, Takeo simply stood there dumbfounded. Slowly approaching the table where M21 was still rooted in, he sat down.

"So, M, what did you learn?"

M21 glanced around before whispering. "Positions. Body language." He shuddered. "Disgusting."

"So, I reckon that your session didn't go too well."

Takeo and M21 glanced up as Tao carefully emerged from the shadows. "You heard?" M21 asked.

Tao grimaced. "The whole thing. If Boss and Raizel could channel that tense aura during a battlefield, I think we would beat the Union."

Takeo sighed. "So what have you been reading? The Chritsian Bible, right?"

To their surprise, Tao shoved the book towards them with a grumpy huff. "Look at it for yourself!"

As Takeo flipped through the pages Tao had bookmarked, the hacker continued to fuss. "I made some notes, like how the woman is compared to having 'dove's eyes.' But other than that, there was nothing decent to go on! And don't even get me started on the towers."

M21 raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Tao folded his hands. "So, the internet said Song of Solomns was the best book to read for romance. But when the guy is praising the woman, he says she has dove eyes."

Takeo shrugged as he flipped to the passage. "What's wrong with that?" He rather thought that it was endearing!

"Nothing! But that's the only decent material. In chapter four, he states that her hair is like a flock of goats! How is that attractive? Goats are smelly! Is rough, smelly hair attractive?"

M21 wrinkled his nose at the thought. "Well, okay…"

"It says here that her breasts are like two fawns," Takeo stated, fingering the passage with a frown.

Tao rolled his eyes, continuing to fuss. "Don't even get me started how he calls his lover his sister! I got creepy feelings all around because of that. Oh, and just wait until you get to the towers part."

M21's face was strained. "I could see where…"

"What about honey and milk on her tongue?" Tao continued. At their confused expressions, he elaborated. "The passage states that the woman's tongue tastes like honey and milk. So how should we check to see if our chosen girl is the right woman? Should we swab everyone? And what about when she states of her beloved that his 'head is covered with dew and 'locks with the drops of the night.' How is this attractive?"

"How should I know what women find attractive?" Takeo commented, his eyes scanning the pages with ever increasing interest, much to M21's dismay.

"And he stood her up in chapter five!" Tao fussed. "Does that mean we can stand women up and she'd be fine with it?"

"So, his head is like the finest of gold; his locks are wavy," Takeo read. He looked up with a frown. "Does this remind you of anyone?"

No one wanted to speak for several seconds. Finally, Tao spoke up. "Boss?" They all shivered.

"Oh, never mind," Takeo spoke up as he continued to read. "It says his hair is as dark as a ravens."

Tao blinked. "Raizel?"

"Let me see," M21 grunted, moving around the table to sit next to Takeo. He frowned. "How could his head be like gold, yet he has black hair?"

"Also," Takeo stated, "how is it possible that his lips are like lilies and…" He squinted at the text. "Dripping liquid myrrh?"

"His legs are pillars of marble." M21 looked at his own legs. "Um, okay? That could explain our problem."

"Her teeth are like a flock of sheep." Takeo frowned. "What do a sheep's teeth look like?"

Tao was pulling out his phone. "Let me look it up." He was silent for a moment before his eyes boggled. "Ew! That's worse then the tower comparison!"

"Tao, what is it with you and towers?" Takeo demanded.

"Just wait till you get to that passage," he retorted.

"The hair of your head is like purple," M21 recited. Tao and M21's gazes zeroed in on Takeo. It took a moment for Takeo to realize why. "My hair is not purple!"

"Looks like it," Tao said thoughtfully. M21 hummed in response.

Takeo floundered for a way out of the appalling comparison. "But Boss' hair turns purple when he uses Dark Spear!"

Tao and M21 shrugged. "Anyway," M21 said, flipping through the pages. His eyes widened. "You have got to be kidding me! In chapter eight, he compares her breasts to a tower! What does that even mean?" He looked up with confusion. "Is that somehow a compliment for women?"

Tao straightened up and pointed at the book. "See! See? That's what I've been talking about! What does it even mean? Do they stick out all tall and...pointy?"

Takeo stood up. "I'm done! Let's watch a movie."

Tao immediately brightened up. "Oh! Good idea!"

M21 smirked, glancing at Takeo. "What should we watch? Lord of the Rings?"

Takeo grinned. "How about the Twin Towers? We all know how much Tao obsess over those towers."


	7. Chapter 7

The living room was silent as Tao cautiously crept in. Glancing around, he was relieved to see that he was not the first to arrive. Takeo and M21 were both seated on the couch. Takeo's leg anxiously bounced, creating a 'thump thump' sound as his heel contacted against the floor. M21 stared straight ahead, his gaze twitching towards Takeo in mild annoyance every so often.

Tao strode forward, tapping Takeo's knee in the process before sitting down between them. Takeo glanced at Tao. "Do you know why we were told to gather here?"

Tao shrugged as he leaned back. "Probably for another one of those lessons."

M21 sighed. "After this entire ordeal and the...reading material, I actually prefer staying single."

Takeo nodded. "Me too." He frowned. "Is there something wrong with us if we can't get a girl?"

"If that's the case, I'm fine staying defective," Tao commented. He groaned. "Why do I feel so miserable after this entire ordeal?"

"I think it's the shock of the exposure," Takeo commented. They all fell silent as Frankenstein entered the room, clipboard in hand. Takeo swallowed when he saw the clipboard. Great, was he taking notes now? Were they being graded? If so, then he was failing.

Frankenstein stared down at them, his expression passive. Glancing once more at the clipboard, he sighed. "I brought in some reinforcements."

Tao, Takeo and M21 glanced at each other, confusion mirroring their faces. "Um, what for, Boss?" Tao asked.

"I realized that I am inadequate to teach you boys, so I summoned an expert."

Takeo smelled roses. Within moments, the door burst open in a flurry of red petals and an ecstatic voice. "Oh boy, I hope I am not late!"

Everyone on the couch froze at the sound of Karius' voice. Tao was the first to turn around. "What-?"

"Looks like I timed it perfectly," Karius declared as he sauntered into the room. "Of course, when I heard of your peril, I simply had to drop everything and rush over to straighten these boys out."

Takeo already felt mentally exhausted.

"Good luck," Frankenstein smirked, handing the clipboard to Karius.

Karius grinned as he flipped through the pages. His grin slowly turned into a thoughtful frown. "Oh dear. I see that you boys strayed away from the real topic of romance and stumbled across the more advanced league. You are not ready for that."

"How old are we again?" M21 muttered.

"But I see that you brushed up on some poetry. Very nice. Women love flowery language," Karius approved.

"Still think it's outdated," Tao mumbled.

"Now," Karius declared, ignoring the muttering from the couch. "Romance is not something you can simply learn. You must experience it!"

Tao was the only one who appeared pensive before his eyes widened in horror, as if he just realized Karius' true methods. "Um…"

"And I know just how to get you to experience romance!" He clenched his fists, face aglow with passion. "To do that, you need a female. So, I contacted the most capable of women." He winked.

M21 and Takeo realized why Tao was suddenly so nervous. Both immediately had traumatic flashbacks to what they had read from their reading materials. "We don't want that kind of experience!" M21 shouted.

Karius ignored the outburst. "In fact, they are here right now!"

Tao tried to hide beneath the pillows, as if that would save him from his fate. Takeo blushed and could not bring himself to move while M21 paled.

"Come on in my dears!" Karius eagerly greeted. "The boys are so excited."

Beneath the pillows, Tao whimpered while Takeo and M21 desperately wished they could melt into the couch.

"And as I was saying, we…" Karius paused. "Get up Tao! For goodness sake, what are you doing? M21, Takeo, straighten up and plaster a smile on your face."

As if automatically programmed, they did exactly that with equal expressions of despair in their eyes. Their gazes immediately fell on the new arrivals in the room.

Sui grinned. "At least pretend that you're glad to see us." Beside her, Yuna smiled shyly while Seira stood beside them.

Karius nodded. "Yes, I would have thought you would have been eager to work with your companions. Whatever had you so apprehensive..." Realization dawned on Karius, and he gasped, horrified. "Perish the perverted thought from your minds! True gentlemen should never think such repulsive thoughts!"

All three modified humans nodded eagerly. "We are true gentlemen," Tao asserted.

"No thoughts here," Takeo added.

Karius frowned, glaring at the three boys before clicking a pen and writing on the clipboard. "Now," he said once he was finished. "Seira, Yuna, and Sui are here as your practice girlfriends. You are to act like true gentlemen and treat them as a lady deserves to be treated. Based on your first staged 'date' I will compose a slew of lessons that will aid you in the world of romance."

"Doesn't this seem a bit excessive?" Tao asked.

"You three are a hopeless lot," Karius responded. "Your boss is at his wits end, which is why he called me. Now," he glanced at his clipboard. "Your first practice date is at the local grocery store."

M21 frowned. "Is grocery shopping a date?"

"Unfortunately, for middle-aged couples, it is," Karius responded. "But for you three, we are starting simple. I am not going to throw you in the deep end and send you to a fancy restaurant only to fail miserably." He withdrew a pen. "Now then, Takeo, you will be paired up with Sui. Tao, you are with Seira. And that leaves M21 with Yuna."

Based on Sui's smile, Tao and Takeo wondered if she had anything to do with the last pairing. Both young men took note of Yuna's small blush, and they immediately looked at M21 who merely appeared thoughtful.

Well, this was going to be interesting for them.

"Now then," Karius continued. "In the store, you will all be separated in different sections. M21, you and Yuna will be in the children's section of the store, going through toys and baby clothes. Takeo, you and Sui will be in the department store, looking through furniture, maybe some clothes. Tao, you and Seira will go to the produce section."

"Excuse me," Tao asked, actually raising his hand on instinct. "But if we are in seperate parts of the store, how are you going to take notes?"

Karius smiled. "Bold of you to assume that I cannot be in three places at once." Before anyone could question him, he moved on. "I have provided each of your girlfriends with some tips and notecards on how to act based on the setting you are in. It is up to you boys how you are to respond." He stared them down. "I will be grading you based on your performance, and your scores will be delivered to the Boss."

Three audible gulps could be heard, and only Seira understood the obvious fear the three men were displaying.

Karius snapped the binder closed. "Right! Now, shall we?"

 **xXx**

Tao could not stop fidgeting. Even walking through the doors was enough to give him an anxiety attack. He had wondered if he was supposed to hold Seira's hand. On more than one occasion, he had reached out, only to pull back with uncertainty. Usually, before a test, weren't the students supposed to study different materials? When Karius said he wasn't putting them in the deep end, Tao sure felt like he was drowning.

Crossing the threshold into the store felt like a death sentence for him. He could only cast one last fleeting glance at his companions before they were out of sight with their own respective practice girlfriends.

Seira was already moving forward, and Tao watched as she reached for a cart. Tao happened to glance up and see Karius. The Blerster Family Leader was frowning, red pen in hand.

Tao's eyes widened. Leaping forward, he rushed towards Seira. "Wait! I'll push the cart!"

"It is no problem," Seira stated, maneuvering the cart away, but Tao grabbed it.

"Let me push the cart," Tao insisted.

"I do this type of shopping all the time," Seira commented.

"That's the problem," Tao hissed. "Just give me the cart."

"But I don't see why-"

"I want to be a good boyfriend!"

 **xXx**

M21 picked up what had to be the sixth pair of baby boots before setting them down again. Glancing over at Yuna, he watched as she fiddled with a baby jumper. He was aware that her gaze continued to flicker over to him.

He could not avoid the truth. This was awkward.

Maybe Crombel screwed something up with him in the lab after all.

He glanced around, hoping to spot a certain blond Noble. What Karius hoped to glean from this endeavor continued to elude him. Did he want to make this as painful of an experience for everyone? Did M21 manage to somehow offend the Blerster Leader?

"This is cute," Yuna commented, holding up a small pink onesie.

Despite himself, M21 smiled. "Yeah." It was rather small, and M21 wondered if it was actually designed to accurately fit a small child. Were children really that tiny?

Just when the awkwardness appeared to be dissipating, a sales clerk approached them with a smile. "Do you two need any help?"

Yuna shook her head. "Oh, no, we're just-"

"I must say, for the young lady, we have a fine selection of baby clothes. Oh, and diapers are on sale."

Yuna blushed. "I said we're not-"

"Now, here's a breast-pump for breastfeeding."

Yuna's red face was only rivaled by M21's exasperation. He wondered just how a 'perfect boyfriend' would get themselves out of this situation.

Well, he was not perfect, so he grabbed Yuna's arm and dragged her away from the persistent sales clerk. To his immense relief, they left the baby section behind and emerged into the woman's department.

Lurking between the clothing racks, M21 saw Karius. The Blerster Family Leader gave him an encouraging smile.

Rummaging through the clothes, Yuna brightened up. "Oh! I know how I can help you with this test. An opportunity has presented itself." Withdrawing a notecard that Karius no doubt provided her with, she read the lettering before selecting a dress. "Before we get started, I want to let you know that I would never ask anyone this, but Sui might."

He raised an eyebrow. "O...okay?" He stared at the dress she was holding, the mustard coloring hurting his eyes. Surely she wasn't going to ask him to pay for that ugly thing?

Yuna held the dress up against her body. "Is this dress flattering on me?"

M21 froze. He sensed that there was a wrong answer somewhere, or that some kind of trap was being laid out for him. Problem was, he could not detect what the trap was.

"Uh, I think that you've looked better."

The sound of the red pen clicking gave M21 immense anxiety as he realized he had just failed.

 **xXx**

Takeo followed Sui through the different clothing sections. He felt the bit of anxiety within him fade away. Sui had yet to withdraw any notecards given by Karius, and the Noble was nowhere in sight.

He might just survive this.

Just as that thought occurred, he caught a flash of blond hair, and he saw a very displeased Karius.

Sui paused amidst her search through the halls. Frowning she began to unbutton her coat. "It's a bit hot here."

Takeo saw Karius raise his red pen, and he went into panic overload. "I'll take your coat off for you!" Grabbing the sleeves of Sui's coat, he tugged. Sui's startled shout captured quite a bit of attention from lingering customers.

Sui fell backward, and Takeo's senses honed in on all of his surroundings. He saw Karius, in the distance, frowning as he lifted his red pen. Takeo's eyes widened, and he made a desperate attempt to salvage the situation. His arms were extended outward, trying to catch Sui. However, he only succeeded in falling on top of her.

Takeo braced himself so that Sui did not get crushed beneath his weight. He winced, his eyes temporarily closed for a moment.

Until the startled shrieking began.

"Oh my goodness! Is that Sui Im?"

"Sui Im! Where? The singer?"

Sui's grimace was barely registered by Takeo as he heard the following line. "And that man is assaulting her!"

Takeo rapidly sat up. "No! I'm not-"

He did not get the chance to defend himself as he was attacked by a handbag to the face. Takeo yelped as the handbag connected with his face once more. By the time the lady got ready for a third swing, Takeo's annoyance was flaring.

He grabbed the handbag. "Look here," he hissed, annoyed. He did not get the chance to say anymore as the woman wielded pepper spray, and Takeo's eyes were blinded.

Karius dropped his pen in horror as Takeo's screams echoed throughout the store.

 **xXx**

Takeo really thought his life was over at that point. As he was laying there on the couch with a cloth covering his stinging eyes, he wondered if he was truly hopeless.

Then Tao made it worse by commenting that he finally had a woman fawning over him.

"Takeo, I am so, so sorry," Sui apologized. Though he couldn't see her, he could hear the desperation in her voice.

"You weren't the one who pepper sprayed me," he muttered.

He heard Tao huff. "Well, at least that's over with."

"Yeah, only because you acted indecent to one of the women at the checkout line during your 'date' with Seira," M21 retorted.

"Hey! I followed the religious text!" Tao defended. "Oh sure! I don't know what's up with women! Tell them about their goat's hair, curvy thighs, honey breath, and tower bosoms and you would think that I told them I hated their mother! I'm just at a loss!" He paused. "I think it was the sheep teeth that pushed her over the edge."

"He said a woman had what?" Sui demanded.

"Sheep teeth," M21 replied. "Like in the Bible."

Takeo groaned and rolled over, trying to drown out the bickering between his companions.

"Does it hurt?" Yuna's voice was filled with concern. "Seira is making some tea by the way."

He attempted to open his eyes, removing the cloth, only to wince. "Ah, thanks."

Silence descended on the group. The only sound that could be heard was Tao's rapid typing.

M21 sounded wary. "Uh, Tao, what are you doing?"

"Looking for a solution to our problem," the hacker replied.

Takeo bolted upright. "No! I'm perfectly fine being defected! So far, trying to fix our girl trouble has nearly blinded me!"

"Girl trouble?" Sui sounded exasperated.

"Not to worry," Tao replied. "Look, I found a book that can get Boss and the others off of our backs about this dating problem."

Takeo cracked his eye open to see the title of the book Tao was displaying. _I Kissed Dating Goodbye_ by Joshua Harris.

"Oh thank God!" M21 exclaimed. "Yes, I'll kiss this entire ordeal goodbye."


End file.
